Steady Clappin'

Prometheus was a film that set out to answer some questions and ask some even bigger ones. Namely, what was that thing in the spaceship that was discovered in the original Alien; where did the xenomorph come from; and furthermore, where did we come from?

While most of the ‘whats’, ‘hows’, and ‘wheres’ are answered in Prometheus, throughout the film, you might be asking yourself why these things are happening. Ridley Scott leaves most of these questions to us, thankfully. A film as dipped in intrigue and existentiality as this one shouldn’t answer everything. How could it? Though to be fair, some of the character motivations could have been explained a little better. I could see a director’s cut of the film helping in that regard.

The movie isn’t perfect by any means. There were a few cliche Hollywood moments in it—characters far too willing to sacrifice themselves far too fast, some cheap dialogue. But these moments standing out shows how well done the rest of the film is.

The cinematography is beautiful. The framing is grand, and the Icelandic landscapes look other-worldly. (Duh.) Everything is shot in this crisp, cool color palette of grays and blues while these warm ambers, yellows, and reds are allowed to jump out at you. It is lovely.

The effects are fantastic. There was never a time where I was thinking about them. When the Prometheus (their spaceship) is descending into LV-223′s atmosphere, all I thought about was how beautiful the shot was, not that it was impressive CGI or model work. As with design, good effects should be invisible.

I give Prometheus 7 1/2 tentacles out of 9.

PS. Thanks, Ridley, for the cesarean phobia!

Adventure Time is an animated tv show on Cartoon Network that follows a human, Finn, and his magical dog, Jake on all kinds of surreal adventures. It’s set in the land of Ooo, which is essentially a post-apocalyptic Earth where magic has come back. It’s seriously incredible. I wish I could hug this show. After seeing GIFs and pictures all over the internet, I finally saddled up and started watching it. Now, I’m in deep, man. It’s all I do. Just ask my girlfriend. Thankfully, she loves it too.

The art direction and writing is top-notch. The characters are all wildly imaginative and even self-aware. The voice talents work together just as well as they do in Archer. It all seems so un-forced and natural. There’s a great fart-to-smart humor ratio as well.

Below the fold are a few clips to let you pick up what I’m puttin’ down.

Read more, nephew.

I watched Luca Guadagnino’s I Am Love last night. While not without its faults, it was beautiful. The film starts with an elaborate 20 minute scene of a dinner party being prepared for the fabulously wealthy Recchi family. Every shot is framed so it is as if you are seeing all of this through the eyes of the house and environment. Two people will have an interaction, and then the camera will linger for just a second too long after they’ve left the frame, accentuating this feeling. This is the introduction we get to Emma Recchi, played by Tilda Swinton. She is Russian-born, married into an Italian family living in Milan. She isn’t unhappy, but not fulfilled either. She is caught in this world. So begins her journey towards freedom.

The movie is about the old and new; about following tradition or your heart. From the opening scene onward, you start to see these cracks and breaks in the old—a grand daughter gifting her dying grandfather a photograph instead of a painting; a son wanting to start his own restaurant, using radical invented recipes, against his father’s wishes of continuing the family’s; a daughter leaving a boy for a girl; the family business being sold to foreign investors. You start to notice the changes in Emma as well, as she meets her son’s friend and becomes infatuated. Her make-up, her demeanor, her attitude towards the help—it all starts to loosen. The whole movie builds this idea slowly, piece by piece, until this frantic, sweeping, sudden climax.

I Am Love doesn’t get it all right, though. There are times where Guadagnino is a little heavy of hand with the symbolism (a dove finding its freedom out of a church window comes to mind). But I am more than willing to forgive these little details. The cinematography, the setting, the colors, the acting, even the title and credits—it’s all gorgeous. It makes you think about what it means to follow your heart, and the consequences of doing so; the tragedy and fulfillment of chasing your most primal urges and feelings.

A Steadyclappin heads up: Tilda Swinton gets naked. So prepare your eyeballs for that.

I finally got around to watching Drive the other night. I had some friends who loved it and some friends who hated it. The more I think about it, the more I fall into the first category. It is refreshingly minimalist and has a great electro pop soundtrack.

Ryan Gosling plays a character that says very little, doesn’t even get a name in the movie, and is still somehow compelling. He is mysterious, charming, compassionate, and vicious all at once. Referred to only as ‘the driver’ or ‘the kid’, he seemingly spends the entire movie staring, smirking, or stomping someone’s head into jelly.

There aren’t any hidden layers in this movie a la No Country For Old Men. I don’t think that the kid symbolizes anything. It’s just a film that oozes cool. Scenes are methodical and slow and the music is so great, creating this incredible atmosphere. You feel this movie as much as you watch it.

I can see why some people didn’t like Drive. They probably wanted more car chases, more Baby Goose with his shirt off, more mob action. But Drive is a film that takes its time. It’s a simple story that is made many times better because of it. It is what it is and it’s cool with it. As am I.

I’ma let (fake) Ghostface Killah review Watch The Throne for me. Because he kills it.

1. No Church in the Wild (ft. Frank Ocean) – Thought the beat was kinda average at first to be honest wit yall. But the shit been growin on me. The fact that Jay brought back one of his most boring flows…the same one he used on Pray off American Gangster…didnt help nothin tho. Yeezy drops his least EMPHASIZED bars in a minute n gets the green light from Jiggaman to bring autotune back. I dont kno what hour in the day this shit was recorded but it sounds like some 5 AM shit. In the end tho… both them niggas got the job done n start shit off on the rite foot nahmean. The victim of Breezy’s high pitched goon squad attack did his thing too.

2. Lift Off (ft. Beyonce) – I almost aint wanna even comment on this shit son…. I dont even kno what to say bout it yo. This shit sounds like the anthem the fairies in Ferngully would use to go to war against evil humans to or some shit b. This shit is like Shia LeBeouf in song form yo. Lissenin to this shit is like havin ya ears penetrated by a million microscopic dicks namsayin. Shit sounds like niggas doin aerobics on a magical cloud of daisies. How many meadows did Kanye cartwheel across before he decided to make this beat? Seriously yo…. Jus how many lily pads did the nigga skip across the pond on before he got inspired to make some shit like this? Definitely one a the worst songs Jay ever been involved in…thats includin those lame joints off Vol 3 wit Amil n Mariah or the worst songs off Kingdom Come….EVEN the Timbo joints off Blueprint 3. Like this joint is SOFT son. Guess thats why Jay only spit like 5 n a half bars on it. Its like the song Yung Berg would play before he goes n commits his latest string of L’s. Shit is jus terrible son…especially since it took like 6 niggas to produce this muthafucka.

3. Niggas in Paris – If you can ignore the homoerotic title the shit actually aint bad son. I prefer it once the beat changes up tho. It starts off soundin like some shit them Young Money niggas mighta left behind in the studio one day. Like I swear I can hear Gudda Gudda gettin his mediocre on in the background for the first 2:43 minutes. But then shit gets dramatic n its all good yo. it aint really the monster track niggas made that shit out to be tho.

4. Otis (ft. Otis Redding) – First off they need to not be actin like Otis Redding is a “featured” artist on this shit. Since when do niggas sample a dude n then call that shit a feature. Son aint even been alive for like 40 years b. Otis Redding is my dude tho…so dont get that shit twisted son. That bein said…this shit still goes nahmean. Folks been divided on this joint for a minute…but that aint stop the dozen hasbeen ass niggas who hopped on this shit from strugglin the fuck out on it (Im lookin at you DMX).
5. Gotta Have It – This shit probably the least Neptunes soundin beat the Neptunes ever produced yo. Not sayin thats a bad thing tho. Im glad they aint bring no bongos or space sounds to this shit g. Niggas is jus tradin bars on some back n forth shit n basically talkin bout the usual shit they do. Kinda jus a filler joint nahmean. It probably wont be the next single or nothin…but its still a ill joint namsayin. This shit also got The Godfather of Soul’s voice all over it…but they aint put “featuring James Brown” on the tracklist for some reason. Guess they missed that one.

6. New Day – “Me n the RZA connect”….thats a nice little quasi-hook rite ther namsayin. Sorry yo…this aint the 36 Chambers RZA…but it aint the “fuckin ridicalish” aint had a meal in a hot minute soundin RZA neither yo. It basically dont sound like a RZA joint at all son. He aint bring out the pointy ass rings n get on his BONG BONG shit or nothin but the god did his thing namsayin. Shit has Kanyes fingerprints all over it still tho.

7. Thats My Bitch – I aint the biggest fan a this shit rite here yo. It aint horrible or nothin but I remember when this shit was unleashed at the end a last year n it still aint grow on me like that. Its got all that retro hip hop shit happenin on it but I aint feelin the end results like that. Not sayin its wack….but I be skippin this joint usually.

8. Welcome To The Jungle – If Jay gon insist on usin this niggas bullshit ass beats still…the least he can do is make sure that Swizzy dont go near the booth yo. Ayo Snoop Budden…nobody gon need to hear you gettin ya “One hand in the air if you dont really care” on durin the hooks to no joints ever ever ever again son. Jus go back to contaminatin whats left of Alicia Keys n stop cashin in those favors niggas owe you to get on these high profile joints you malnourished ass lookin muthafucka. Son been urinatin wackness on these songs for years now b…. so can we jus acknowledge that the nigga got no business actin like he kno how to put together a hook now n stop lettin this whippet lookin muthafucka get near a mic?

9. Who Gon Stop Me – Now THIS shit is a problem yo. When it started the god was like ok cool….you kno…I was enjoyin it….the bassline was soundin like a lion growlin n shit. There wasa ill mood to it. Im diggin the joint namsayin….but then it starts really transformin into a monster after a couple minutes….n its like yo…we got a serious contender for best song on the album now. By the middle it sounds like niggas is drivin Lamborghinis around in the studio n drums is hittin like automatic weapons. I love this track son.
10. Murder to Excellence – Another ill joint. Not a lot I can say bout it tho son. If you heard it you kno its jus a solid track namsayin. Like a lotta these songs its got a change up in the beat halfway through. If I had to guess Id say its probably Wyclef’s favorite song on the album tho.

11. Made In America (ft. Frank Ocean) – First of all son….Lionel Richie called from 1986 n said he wants his song back yo. Word. Sade jus holla’d on twitter to say this shit is soft as fuck namsayin. I think Elton John wants to conceive babies to this joint b. Drake said he gon soak in his lotion pool to this shit rite here for like a week son. I think Wiz Khagina is scissorin wit Amber Rose to this shit rite now as we speak yo. I heard this shit gon be used for the next Gwyneth Paltrow movie too. I dont kno how the same nigga that did Who Gon Stop Me had anything to do wit this shit but apparently he did nahmean. This shit sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son. I think this is bout to be on Yung Berg’s yoga playlist. I cant fuck wit this shit at all b. This shit is like audio lesbian comin out my speakers son.

12.Why I Love You (ft. Mr Hudson) – Its almost like they knew they couldnt end the album on that Made In America shit. Contrary to the title n the fact that it says “featuring Mr Hudson” on this muthafucka….this shit goes hard yo. Mr Hudson does his thing too son. I fucks wit this joint forreal forreal. Might even be my favorite tomorrow.
Bonus tracks:
13. Illest Motherfucker Alive – Ok now…when you call a song “Illest Motherfucker Alive” you really gotta live up to that shit son. This shit kinda almost lives up to the name of the song…but it aint that special yo. But Im not mad at it. Actually if Made in America n Lift Off made the album I dont kno why this shit is jus a bonus track namsayin. I think Breezy’s cousins are singin at the end a the song tho.

14 H.A.M. – This joint is still ass. Id rather listen to a whole Tyga mixtape son.

15. Primetime – This shit cool namsayin. Aint like my favorite song on earth or nothin….but No I.D. aint go n “Timbaland” these niggas wit no bullshit ass beat at least. Son always comes through wit sumthin decent or better. This shit better than decent tho nahmean.

16. The Joy (ft. Curtis Mayfield) – This shit shoulda been a official track on the album b. I dont care how old it is now…I still love this joint. I guess they aint wanna give they fans all this old shit…which is cool namsayin. But…AGAIN yo… if Lift Off gon be on the album anyway…you might as well jus swap that wit some old shit that AINT softer than Game’s emotions b. N they put Thats My Bitch on the album anyway so maybe there aint no real excuse for makin this shit a bonus joint. But why these niggas got “featuring Curtis Mayfield” on this shit? I think Jay n Ye better cut that shit out before it becomes a trend for these lame muthafuckas to start havin “featuring (insert dead artist here)” on they joints too b.

Word yo. The album might got some filler n a couple joints thats jus beyond wack…but its still a pretty tight project son. Niggas produced the shit outta this muthafucka b. This aint jus some shit where dudes looped up a beat n banged out some drums on top n called that shit a finished product namsayin. Nah yo…niggas put some work in to get this shit done par. Tone appreciates that type a artistry tho nahmean. But it aint like its all fancy tricks n aint no real magic happenin under all the bullshit smoke n mirrors n shit namsayin. Niggas straight went HAM on summa thses tracks son…but not on the HAM joint tho. Another thing I appreciate is that niggas tried sumthin original n new. Plus they aint flood this shit wit guest appearances from they artist rosters n turn it into the Firm album. Hate it or love it…its probably gon be like that rare joint where niggas memorize all the lyrics to it after a week either way. Anyways I give this shit a solid 4 Zeus slaps namsayin.
Aight peace.

Beginners is a melancholy film that is genuine and honest. It was wonderful in its simplicity and story telling. I loved it.

I was pretty intrigued when I had first heard about HBO’s new original series, Game of Thrones. It’s set in a fantasy world, and Lord knows that most movies and television shows that try to tackle that genre fail miserably at making it, well, …good. However, HBO has an incredible track record when it comes to their original programming, and the few little things I had read about the books convinced me to check it out.

And now, after watching the entire first season and then ordering and devouring the books (on book four as of this writing), I have come to a conclusion:

Game of Thrones don’t give a f*#$.

George R. R. Martin has managed to create a world where there are kings and knights and magic and dragons, yet where people are actually people. There is no truly black nor white, but a vast field of gray. There is an immense set of characters, all with their own backstory and reasons for the choices they make. The books are written with each chapter through the eyes of a different character. In that way, you get their thoughts, their suspicions, their hopes—and you connect with them all the more.

In this world, heroes don’t always make the correct decision, main characters die, and there is backstabbing and politicking everywhere. There are different religions with different believers and doubters. Children act and think like children, yet are forced to do very adult things. There are strong female characters in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. There is greed, wars, whores, and mercenaries. The magic and other fantastical events are kept to a minimum at first, but as the (surprisingly epic) story progresses, they become more of a player.

When I was younger, I had a huge nerd boner for fantasy. I loved (and still do) Lord of the Rings. I bought Magic: The Gathering cards and D&D paraphernalia so I could gawk over the art that was on them. I have drawn more dragons than there are Ed Hardy t-shirts on Long Island. However, this series (television and books) is not just for the likes of me. The casual HBO viewer can get into it. It’s more akin to The Sopranos and The Wire than LOTR. It’s about the characters rather than the setting—what it means to be a bastard or a girl who wishes she were a boy, or the realization that the world isn’t anything like it is in fairytales, or what it’s like to lose a family, by your own doing or by others’.

It is going to be absolute agony waiting for the last two books of the series (and remaining seasons of the show) to be released.

So I rangled me up one of those shiney new iPads. It wasn’t easy. I had to promise my firstborn to a transient and then shoot a dolphin. But once I got those errands out of the way, I had to go wait in line at the Apple store for a while. Ugh.

I had waited (and sulked) through the entire year of iPad 1. I wanted one so bad, but in a rare instance of restraint, I held out for the inevitably better second version. I am glad I did. It is just sexy looking and feeling. It’s given my iPhone 4 bulimia. It feels natural in your hand and isn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. The front facing camera is also a nice addition. FaceTime works flawlessly, and it is much less awkward than you would imagine it to be.

I wish that the screen was retina a la the iPhone 4, but alas, it is not. It is still good though. It’s bright and the viewing angle is pretty impressive. I still wish that there was a file storage method. And notifications are still atrocious. Though those are more of a beef with iOS than the iPad.

The best thing about it, though, is the speed. It is just retarded fast. It is Usain Bolt on a jet ski running from the popo fast. Apps open and close instantly. The new processor makes it all so seamless. You almost become unaware of the device itself as everything is pretty much instant. The black bezel adds to that effect. Everything else melts away and it’s essentially just you and the content which creates an interesting experience. It is the most personal computer I have ever used.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s the best thing in the world, but if it were a conscious being and propositioned me, I wouldn’t say no.

Ps. I made this entire post on it because I’m fancy.

Black Swan truly is a great film. Really.

Read more, nephew.

Girl Talk (real name Gregg Gillis) is a producer out of Pittsburgh that makes parties. That’s what I think of when I listen to any of his albums. All I want to do is dance and have a good time. And I despise both of those things. My mage didn’t get twelfth level status with me being all frivolous with my time, ya know.

Read more, nephew.